Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Poem #1

I'm pretty terrified, I'm not going to lie. I can read poetry a whole night through, but when it comes to writing it...auhha...

Bath at 2:30

cymbalcrash caress
my shoulders, heavy with
the weight of alarms
that go off at four-thirty ay em

I slip down until my mouth is
covered by bubbles.
The trumpet blows, by some
subtle wind, from
nineteen fifty-nine until it
is calling to me out
of the speaker on the marble counter
across the room,
clear of the hot bath water.

If there were once words
spun along with the piano,
the cymbal, the trumpet,
they were too heavy to
lift on a zephyr,
so all I get is clear,
oscillating praise--
the kind I always feel I deserve
after standing on
my feet for eight hours.


***

They Never Look Up

When you are walking down the hill at the
north end of campus—slowly, of course,
it must be at least a fifty degree angle—
if you should look up and catch a glimpse
of that God-graced blue, pause for a moment;
it won't take long for the autumn wind to
pick the prime yellow leaves from the top
branches of the heaven-grazing trees and
twist them down to you, fluttering, like
marmalade butterflies. Then you may turn
your head back to the ground—sandlicking,
grasseating, dirteye creature that you are—
and continue to your car in the far parking lot.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

One of Those Faces

Thursday I was raking leaves with SUU Student Alumni when a girl came up to me and asked me my name. I was confused. She didn't look familiar and we hadn't been conversing, so I couldn't imagine why she wanted to know. "Rachel," I replied, my voice chipper. "Why do you ask?"

"Oh. Well, you look a lot like this girl Brooke, from America's Next Top Model and I thought you might be her."


"Really? Wow, that's so flattering! Thanks!"

This wasn't a new thing to me. I'm used people starting sentences with, "You know, you look a lot like..." One of the most popular endings to that phrase is Piper Perabo from Coyote Ugly.


I also get a lot of, "I have a friend who looks just like you." I laugh and tell them I want a name and a picture so I can keep record of all of these people. The Japanese have a saying that everyone has five doubles of him or herself (or so I learned from Barefoot Gen); I want to see if I can surpass that number.

Not everyone I've been compared to is an actual person. When I was about ten, I went with my father on a business trip and a woman we met told me I look like Kira from The Dark Crystal. I certainly had that exact same hair!


I've also been told that Rikku from Final Fantasy 10 resembles me. Her facial structure is very Japanese, and mine just isn't, but apparently there's a cut scene where she has my impish grin. And you know, I'm okay with that. I think Rikku rocks.


I think on the whole my lookalikes seem to be blond, with full lips and respectably sized ears. I bet there are tons of people who fit that description. There certainly are in my family. My grandma keeps mistaking me for an older cousin, but that's mostly because she's getting a bit senile. A few weeks ago, my little sister was very upset when I was home for the weekend and her friend said we look alike. She hasn't quite accepted the fact that my parents cloned me to get her and our younger sister.


I'm looking forward to see who I'll be compared to in the future. For now, though, I'm just really happy to be me! I think that's pretty neat, because whether I look like a model, an actress, a Gelfling, an Al Bed, a cousin, or a little sister, I'm always going to be myself.


...oh man, that last line was cheesy.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Two Photographs

We went to the Braithwaite gallery two days ago. There is a photograph in the far left wall in the gallery, where a black woman sits on a wooden bench (which is new, unscratched, and clean enough to reflect the back of her little girl's head) with one child wrapped in a blanket in her arms, asleep or nearly, and the other, three or four years old, sitting beside her, holding a shiny, black, imitation leather purse, and looking past the lip of her bonnet at the ceiling. People without faces wander in the background. They don't see her carefully pulled-up hair, her suit jacket, her wedding ring, her pressed skirt that folded underneath her when she sat down, so now the bottom her her thighs are touching the bench, skin pressed against the same spot countless others have touched.

On the back wall of the right gallery, there sits a 15-year-old in a wedding dress, who buries her face in her hands as her mother, covered in mine soot, lights up a smoke. I stood to the side of it, transfixed by the horror I could feel from the young girl, this unwanted future with a man probably twelve years older than she looming in both our minds, and by the nonchalance of her mother, the no-nonsense way in which she's about to tell her daughter her duties for that night. Two white-haired women didn't see me, just the picture. "She's probably wondering if her mother is going to be ready in time," one says to the other with a laugh.

How can they say that? Don't they understand the girl's torment? And then I realize that they are the same generation as the mother in the photograph. They would have married off their fifteen-year-olds, too, I can tell it. My contempt for them may be unreasonable, but it makes me want to write: write for that girl in the wedding dress, what she would feel there if some part of us were the same, the part that thinks marrying our father's mining buddy would be hell, and what she would feel here in the gallery with these women laughing away the worst day of her life.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Instant Wisdom

Education only begins when you open your eyes and realize there's more to the world than you.

Money is a sugarfloss cord in holding things together.

"Don't swing your fists after the fight." = Give it up, jerk.

***

I think I'll leave the proverbs to people who drink more than I do.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Terrible news, friends.


They're changing the freakin' penny. Pisses me off. What gives someone the right to change the penny? Is nothing sacred anymore? Beautiful old homes are preserved as part of our nation's history, and likewise pennies should continue to be produced in the same fashion that has suited them for the last fifty years. What are they going to do next, tear down the Lincoln Home in Springfield to build a skyscraper in "commemoration" for his 210th birthday? Leave my Lincoln alone!

Read the article that shook my happy little world.

Monday, September 22, 2008

Dunbar, I no longer lament to wear the mask

Just about every day before creative writing starts, I subject Kirstin and Alison (and everyone else within range of my mellifluous voice) to my own commentary on what I'm wearing that day. "This is my ADD necklace. I love having something to do with my hands." "I decided I'm so happy today that it would be a sin to be three inches shorter, so I wore my black heels." "I love curling my hair, but I hate how it looks afterwards, so I always end up pulling it back." "I was in a really weird mood this morning. I chose a plain t-shirt." "I kind of feel like a gypsy today with my scarf and ego earrings."

Well, I didn't actually say that last one in creative writing. Kirstin wasn't there today, so I decided to postpone it until I saw Wendy in Spanish. And then post my daily comment here, so Kirstin and Alison don't miss out.

I'm really not obsessed with fashion. I break a lot of the rules. I don't have many new clothes this year. But dressing up, even when it seems I don't have time for it, is very important to me. It gives me something to focus my energy on and clears my thoughts, like a strange kind of meditation. It's my own alone time, since my roommate and I go through our morning rituals at different times of the day. Most of all, knowing that I look nice lends me confidence and a positive attitude that I hope rubs off on others as I go about cheerful and relaxed.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Creeper

It's been a while since I've attracted a creeper, but here's one to make you raise your eyebrows. There's no hyperbole in this story, if you're wondering. I'm a writing assistant for the English 1000 classes. The other day, one guy approached me (I think it was in Institute, but I didn't think much of it at the time so I don't remember) and was like, "Hey, it looks like our writing assistants exist outside of class."

"Yeah, funny how that happens, huh?"

That wasn't an invitation, by the way, but apparently he didn't catch that. Today after classes I was headed to the library to do some homework and see my friends who work in the Media Lab when I ran into the kid again. "Hey Rachel, are you going to class?" he says, like he wants to detain me for a while if I'm not.

"Nah, but I'm going to meet up with some friends. How about you?"

"Yeah. Hey, do you think I could switch into your group?" We have about four groups in our class and I like all the students in mine. They aren't too open, but at least none of them stalk me. (Okay, it isn't that bad, but he gives me a bad feeling.)

"Why? Who's your writing assistant?"

"That other blond girl who wears the low-cut shirts all of the time."

I raised my eyebrows. He knows my name but not his own writing assistant's? "Tabby?" (That's a pseudonym, my friends, if you haven't caught on yet that I like those.) "What's the problem? She was my roommate last year. She's a really friendly, nice girl and she knows what she's talking about."

"Yeah, I just prefer girls with a more wholesome look."

I don't think my eyebrows can raise much higher without my nostrils flaring. Tabby's shirts might be a little low-cut, but who give a damn about what he prefers? It's not like he's dating her--he's certainly not going to be dating me. Even if you didn't put me on edge, that would be totally unprofessional, Mr. Creeper. I'm not afraid to slam you with a sexual harassments charge if you keep this up. "Tabby's standards might not be the same as yours, but she's a moral and good person. I've got to go."

So I hope that will be the end of Mr. Creeper, but I highly doubt it. Joe won't switch him into my group, though, especially if I say something. He's a really great guy, and I'm glad to be working with him.